Abby Van Buren Advises Workplace Assault Victims to Skip HR and Contact Police First
In response to a reader’s letter detailing a 20-year struggle with trauma, the columnist recommends securing evidence and consulting a specialist lawyer before notifying company executives.
By Luca Harrison ·
A reader named Damaged in the East wrote to Dear Abby about the lingering effects of a workplace sexual assault that occurred approximately 20 years ago. The letter describes a year-long pattern of manipulation by a supervisor, which included isolating the employee and insincerely apologizing. The supervisor also claimed that community standing would protect him from scrutiny and suggested the reader had not truly meant it when she said no.
The reader stated that her then-husband began drinking and became abusive during the same period. She left the job after a final incident was ignored by the company. She moved to another state for 18 years and believed the episode was over. However, returning to her hometown last year caused her to experience intense triggers, leading her and her current husband to plan another move.
The letter expresses frustration over the disruption to her life and her children’s lives. The reader noted that she stood up to her boss for a long time before losing interest in the fight. She plans to undergo a specific form of PTSD therapy after the move but feels she will never be the same person. She asked the columnist for ideas on how to cope with the daily fallout.
Abby Van Buren agreed that no one should endure such an experience. She noted that the story serves as a reminder that workplace sexual assault remains an ongoing problem. Van Buren stated that the reader’s therapist is better equipped to assist her than the column is. The columnist expressed relief that the reader intends to seek professional help.
In advice to other readers, Van Buren recommended securing as much evidence as possible and going straight to the police. She advised against starting the reporting process with company higher-ups or the human resources department. She argued that these individuals typically prioritize protecting the company over seeking justice for the employee.
The columnist suggested consulting a lawyer who specializes in sexual abuse. This legal counsel can advise on the timing and method of reporting the incident to human resources. Van Buren also provided the contact information for RAINN, the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network. The organization operates a national hotline at 1-800-656-4673 for questions regarding any kind of sexual assault.
The column, written by Abigail Van Buren, is a continuation of a feature founded in 1956 by Pauline Phillips. Jeanne Phillips wrote the column for nearly four decades. Readers can contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 270135, Kansas City, MO 64127.
